As the beautiful
colors of fall cover the ground, and the sound of birds chirping and splashing around in the water. I cannot help but feel relaxed. In the corner of my eye I spot a beautiful flicker
soundlessly making his way to the feeder with no fear in the world. I can hear the sounds of a tractor plowing the
field off in the distance, and spot two young eagles soaring above. I hear a soft noise to the left of me and
catch a glimpse of a doe and her fawn as they graze passed me.
The wind slightly picks up and a hint of a tropical fragrance breezes passed my nose. As I take in this lovely smell, I am surprised by a drop of water that hits the top of my head, I suddenly feel chilly. As I sip on my delicious hot coffee, I can feel the warmth coming back through my body. Suddenly, I realize how lucky I am to have such a relaxing and breathtaking view right here in front of me.
*Note: This picture is actually from spring, but I wanted to give you an image*
I commented on Courtney's blog and Megan's blog.
I commented on Courtney's blog and Megan's blog.
Lots of good images in this, Ashley, but be more vivid with soem of your descriptions. For instance, you use the word "Relax" twice, but this doesn't make the reader really feel "relaxed." Make us feel like we are there with you!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post about your favorite place. It really made me feel like I was right there seeing what you described. Good job!
ReplyDeletegood job, i definetly was able to visualize and put myself inside this story. this is a beautiful place, lucky to live here.
ReplyDeleteAshely,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the scene you were describing. The part about the tropical fragrance threw me off though. I'm having a hard time figuring out where you are exactly.
Courtney,
ReplyDeleteThe place I was describing was my front yard. The tropical fragrance is coming from my dryer haha. I can always smell the fabric softener :)
I don't think that reading this I would ever have guess that it was your front yard. My best guess was a coffee shop near a florist.
ReplyDeleteEither way, very well done. I love fall and winter as well, and you managed to describe my favorite type of day this kind of year.
I think this could use stronger verbs and descriptors. By doing so, it helps put an a better picture in the reader's imagination and lets them feel for themselves. Next time don't tell the readers how to feel but provoke emotion through character reactions/vivid writing. But overall this is good and the picture is adorable!
ReplyDelete